Conversations: Hosting Dinner Parties

Gathering around the table can look like any number of things. It can be an impromptu weeknight of family style dishes straight from oven to table. It can be paper plates and plastic utensils. It can be dessert and a late night game of cards. And it can be dinner parties.

Dinner parties are a concept I grew up with and have seen plenty of in movies and television, but not as often practiced by my generation. By reputation, I think they have a formality to them that makes some of us shy away from hosting them. But from my experience over the past year, they are a big hit with guests. Dinner parties are a way of saying, “You are special and I’d like to prepare a nice meal and enjoy your company for an evening. And I’d like some of my other friends to enjoy your company as well.” Who’s not going to love that?!

Let’s talk about what throwing a dinner party entails … in two parts: the menu and the hosting.

Menu planning
(This is by no means comprehensive, since there's so many good sources out there - these are just the basic tips I share with friends to get them started.)

1. Brainstorm food pairings (i.e. not mixing regional food types unless you are braving a full fusion menu, foods that aren’t all too heavy or too light, or avoiding too much cheese which is my personal problem). Remember to think about beverages. Do you plan to serve alcohol? Is there coffee/tea to go with dessert?
2. Check on guest food allergies/restrictions and figure out how that will affect food pairings.
3. Plan out courses – I would recommend starting with three and getting comfortable there. Finalize your recipe choices and do a test run if there’s anything you don’t feel confident you can prepare well (better to not find this out the night of the party!). Make sure you have the necessary kitchen equipment, serveware, and dinnerware.
1. 3-course: Salad or Soup, Entrée, Dessert
2. 3-course+: Same as above but have hors d’oeuvres prepared for when guests arrive
4. Schedule out food prep and cooking time – what can be made ahead? What mise en place can be done to help final food assembly? The less you have to do while guests are present the better. Plan for the first course to be served 15-30 minutes after you’ve invited guests to arrive (depending on what you know about their punctuality). At this step, you may decide to make some revisions to the menu if the schedule is proving difficult.
5. Set the table. Leave time to shower and be ready to greet guests when they arrive. If you look preoccupied when they arrive, it sets the party out on a frenzied or awkward note.
6. Enjoy the evening. If you enjoy it, your guests will follow your lead. 

Which brings us to hosting.

There's an art to throwing a memorable dinner party. And it's not primarily about the food. It has a lot more to do with “the who” and “the how”. I am pretty intentional with the groups I put together around the table, looking for people who have enough in common to stimulate good conversation and enough diversity to keep things interesting. I try to mix extroverts and introverts, considering who my introverts would feel most at ease with. I want guests to relax, have fun, and be inspired around the table. 

As a host, I consider the table experience to be my responsibility so if the conversation is waning, I'm there to assist it. And I often have my sidekick with me ... enter the mighty little place card.

PLACE CARDS: noun

- says “sit here” (allowing host to manipulate guide social interactions)

- makes guest feel special (seeing our name has that effect)

- helps other guests discreetly remember names

- provides a perfect location for a conversation topic…

I will often write a conversation topic on the inside of each guest’s place card. If there is a lull in the discussion or if it needs a reboot, I invite a guest to read and begin the topic, then others invariably chime in. There have been times I've announced the invitation at the beginning of dinner and the cards have formed the majority of the evening’s conversation; more often, I leave the cards alone if the dialogue is lively.

(Alternately, if I don’t write the topics on the cards, I still have them in the back of my mind to throw into the mix if there’s a good moment. This is part of being intentional at engaging your guests. I usually think well on my feet, but my brain sometimes shuts down in the face of an awkward silence. Topics at the ready!)

Some of my favorites from the past year:

1. If you could invite anybody, past or present, to a dinner party, who would it be? Or what event in the past, present, or future would you like to witness in person?
2. What’s a profession you’d like to try for a short period of time? Or if you could play hooky from life for a month, what would you do with the time?
3. If you were to re-designate the 7 Wonders of the World, what would they be? (This one is fun because it usually becomes a group effort. Most inspired answers to date: the bottom of the ocean, music, and the Northern Lights.)

When the evening is over, thank everyone for coming. Then drop a handwritten note in the mail the next morning, mentioning something memorable about them from the night before.

Let us together revive the tradition of dinner parties! Who’s with me? 

Happy faces from the epic 7-course dinner party, Jan 2014. Photo creds: Robyn Harney